Although there was plenty of films at the cinema this year to pique our interest, there was far more crap than quality - as is often the case.
No doubt some of you spent time and money on some of these in the vain hope of getting some entertainment, right? Feeling angry? Used? Cheated? So were we. Here's the ten WORST films of this year. So far. Oh God.
Liam Neeson stood up in public and said that there was no way he could do a third Taken movie. He said that and then he did this. So, the moral of the story here is that Liam Neeson is a big lying liar from Ballymena. Plus, this film was just a complete rip-off of Harrison Ford's The Fugitive. The whole time we were watching this, we kept thinking of The Fugitive to get through it all. Man, that's such a good film.
Johnny Depp might be working his way back into our hearts, if the early hype for Black Mass is to be believed. We're hoping Mortdecai will serve as a quirky little reminder of the kind of crap that Depp used to churn out.
Let's take a tired, hackneyed cliche of a teen comedy about bodyshaming girls and put Ann from Arrested Development in it. Now put that Bella Thorne one who's in everything in there too. Put some references to emojis and the Internet in there as well. Roll camera. Cut. Lunch. Repeat. Repeat. Done. Screen it for critics. Critics reevaluate their careers watching the movie. Decide to go live on a farm with dogs and work outdoors. Remembers back to that film with Ann from Arrested Development. Decides they made the right choice.
Did you Sean Penn has abs? That's essentially what The Gunman was - a two-hour commercial for Sean Penn's veiny chest and arms. No, wait, it's actually the Bourne Identity with older guys. No, it's a love story. No, it's Sean Penn circling the career drain.
We had hopes, such hopes for this. Turns out it's basically Keanu Reeves having a threeway with two underage teenagers. Yeah.
More like Jupiter Ass-Ending. No, this is just the worst. Channing Tatum's even said he had no idea what's going on. Don't worry, though. The Wachowskis are now choreographing psychic orgies on Netflix. We're not even joking.
Kevin Hart. Josh Gad. In a film about renting out friends to a fat Jewish guy. Who he then becomes friends with despite saying otherwise. With the girl from 8 Simple Rules and Big Bang Theory.
Kevin Hart. Will Ferrell. In a film about a rich white man mistaking a black man for being an ex-convict. Who he then rents out to show him the ropes in prison because he's about to get done for tax fraud. With the girl from Community and Mad Men.
In certain parts of the world, films based on Nicholas Sparks' movies are used for interrogation purposes. The Longest Ride is known in the intelligence community as The Closer. You put this on and have your captive strapped in, Clockwork Orange-style, and they'll tell you just about anything.
Take comfort in the fact that EL James is a multi-millionaire who got her start by writing Twilight fan fiction. All that money can't make her happy. Also, the fact that Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson were very clearly ashamed of this film makes it all the more hilarious. Seriously, just look at their press interviews for this film and it's clear that they're approaching Fifty Shades of Grey the same way a fast-food employee views their job. Do this, make some money, get out and do something else and never refer to it again.
