I saw him with my own two peepers. And then he saw me... trying to take a photo of him on my new phone. So he stopped outside the window and pulled a face for me. I still couldn't figure out how to get the camera to work so I just pretended he wasn't there. He then walked off. The end.

So where did this shockingly sh*te display of pappery take place? The Morgan, last night. I met friends there for food and three glasses of wine more than my usual nightly unit. Suffering from an acute case of Wine Flu today as a result. I was trying to take a photo of Calum Best for jaysis sake, thus was the level of sobriety. The shame.

He wasn't the only sub-par celeb sort sashaying around The Morgan last night. There was a poor Axl Rose knock off and that Darryn Lyons dude. You know him. He looks like a techno skunk from Australia. Dresses like a denim version of Marjory the trash heap from Fraggle Rock. He was probably the first person to encourage Page 3 sorts to believe they have talent beyond getting their kegs out. He's also made a fair whack out of papping people like Calum Best, judging by the large YSL suitcase he was bringing for a walk around the reception. So gifted is Darryn Lyons that he has been invited into your living rooms tonight by The Panel. Again.

But I digress. This post is a warning to bolt yourself into a pair of metal pants if you find yourself in the vicinity of Temple Bar, for Mr. Best could still be lurking. Best avoid eye contact also; you don't want those eyes boring into you. I'm off to the Well Woman on my lunch break.