In Dalkey Village, there are a few certainties. You will have to dodge countless bundles of doggie deposits on the footpaths. If you sit outside The Queens, you will probably have a guy called Ted shout obscenities at you from across the street, before he busts out some lunges in front of the bemused diners in Benitos. You will be mowed down by an undulating mass of teenage girls in Kingfisher Blue Loreto Abbey Dalkey uniforms en route to the Dart Station week day mornings. You will hear middle-aged men say things like "I'm with NAMA now", "You're not cash rich, are you?" and "I love a classy women at a bar, but it's all over in two minutes and then you've got to face the wife". You will see Ryan Tubridy driving through the village in his Jag and enjoying pints in Finnegans of a Saturday in the company of Neil Jordan, Mark Little and a drunk man asleep across a nearby table... but for how long?

There's been rumblings involving Tubridy being head hunted by the Beeb for a number of months, nay years, at this stage. Might we be about to lose him?! Probably - here's the reassuring words he had for his radio listeners this morning: "I'm here and I love it and I'm really happy and I won't be going anywhere today or tomorrow." Yeah, but what about the summer months, Tubs?

According to the Evening Herald: "The *winces* €533,000 a year presenter is making the move this summer for a radio presenting gig. Incredibly, he will hold on to both his radio and television jobs at RTE." Incredible but not in the least bit surprising.

The report goes on to jovially say RTE knew nothing about the pending move. Sure why would they? Tubs has his summer holidays, can't he do what he wants with this lengthy breaks? It's not like he gets paid his full wage throughout his entire holidays or anything........... Apparently, when probed by a Herald journo, an RTE robo-rep said: "That is something that I don't have any information on. The only information I can provide is that Ryan Tubridy is looking forward to another season of the Late Late Show and his radio show for the next two years. I genuinely don't have any information on that, I made enquiries about that yesterday, and the firm position is that Ryan is with RTE. Any arrangements outside of that, I don't have information on." Said droid then gnawed at the phone cable, gibbering "does not compUTE, DOES NOT COMPUUUHTE" before juddering off to the canteen to repeatedly dunk its head in a vat of putrid Soup Of The Day.

As previously stated, Tubs has been head hunted by the Beeb for quite some time: "The chat show host was already approached by the network last year to take over for Jonathan Ross's radio show for a 12-week period during the summer. He turned the opportunity to replace Ross for the three month stint last year, citing work commitments combined with the sudden death of Gerry Ryan, as his reason for declining at the time."

Really, is anyone that surprised? Wogan. O'Briain. Lynam. Norton. O'Dowd... Henry Kelly... England always welcomes our "best" with open arms and expectant ears. Ryan's already reached the pinnacle of Ireland's pithy presenting pyramid at the ripe old age of 37, let's set him free godnammit! Or at least let him dip a slender toe in a slightly bigger pond. Surely someone else within the ranks is just as equipped to be RTE's presenting poster boy..... *coughs*