While (alleged) best mate/relationship counsellor Angelina Jolie is quashing rumours that she's "almost three months" up the Damien (this dress says otherwise), Johnny Depp is saying nothing about the state of his partnership with Vanassa Paradis. And why should he. It's no one else's beeskack.

Let's speculate regardless, shall we, for that's what we do for a living. The Sun seem to think that wearing no make up while shopping with your twelve-year-old daughter is an open declaration that your 14 year relationship has been in tatters since April 2011:

"Wearing no make-up and with unkempt hair, the 39-year-old mum-of-two took the trendy 12-year-old to Grove Park in West Hollywood as whispers about the state of her 14-year romance with Johnny swirled around France. Reports suggest that the Pirates Of The Caribbean star has consulted lawyers after a series of rows with Vanessa. A source told a (random) US website: 'People around him are worried about how Johnny is doing because he and Vanessa seem so fractured right now. Johnny isn't handling anything well right now." OK right now.

In another article, the paper added: "Depp, 48, looked 'subdued' after a brief appearance at Sunday's Golden Globes in LA. An onlooker said: 'He didn't smile, walked off stage and went right out the door'." Um, that's the way he always looks. Have you ever seen him being interviewed by Jonathan Ross or Graham Norton?? The most animated I've ever seen him (when not portraying Keith Richards in different guises) is when he responded to Ricky Gervais saying "So, have you seen The Tourist yet?" Which happened on Sunday night during the Golden Globes

And if Depp and Paradis' union is "fractured"at the moment, wouldn't it make more sense for her to be as far away from L.A. as possible? Like at their Côte d'Azur home, or their 45-acre Caribbean island Little Hall's Pond Cay. Or in their new house in... Norfolk?