Mark Owen Cheats With 'About 10 Women', Shocker

On page 15 of this week's Heat magazine, there is a Ratwatch "article." It's a questionnaire, which poses the query: "Is your man a love rat?!?" If the "yes" option is a goer, you are then - after a series of questions such as "Is he the kind of bloke who actually gets excited by the emoticon for boobs?" - informed whether your boyfriend is a Prat Rat! (Vernon Kay), a Power Rat! (John Terry), a Sext Rat! (Ashley Cole), or a King Rat!!! (Darren Day). If, however, you answer "no" to the first question, you are greeted with a little box saying "Congratulations. You are married to Mark Owen!" What are the bets Owen swiped his wife's copy of Heat for a stint on the crapper, and sat there quivering and downright outraged by the notion that he's a safe sort. Noooo, he's dangerous, or rather his wang might be given he's bedded 10 other women behind Emma's back.... Hence his impromptu declaration of rampant (pre-marital, to be fair) infidelity. That or "mistress number 1" threatened to blab to the Irish Sun...

Mark took it upon himself to contact The English Sun to divulge his indiscretions: "One of Mark's affairs - with accounts manager Neva Hanley (24, also a redhead) - carried on for the best part of a five years." They met at a train station. As for the rest of the Brief Encounters, they "were drunken one night stands with girls while Take That were on tour."

So, why has Mark dumped this load all of a sudden? "I have been living with the guilt. It has always been there - you carry it around with you (yes, yes you do. That's your penance for cheating. It's not all sunshine and blow jobs in dressing rooms, you know). It held me back in my relationship with Emma (he only impregnated her twice and then married her?). I wouldn't have done any of this if I had my time again. I am halfway through my life now and this is a lesson. You've got to learn and that's what I am going to do. Emma is really strong and I know she will do what is right for her and the kids. I support that and I really appreciate that. She loved me - she still does love me - and I have let her down. That's the truth of it... I wish I had told Emma about this before we got married and come clean then." Yeeeeeeeeeah, that would've been the mature and fair thing to do. He probably thought the guilt would dissipate after he married her, but it doesn't work like that.

Three weeks after meeting a then 19-year-old Neva on a platform at Preston train station, Mark flew her to LA "where they had the best sex in Hollywood's Best Western hotel. Three months later, Mark invited Neva to his Lake District home, where they spend a night smoking cannabis, drinking vodka and having sex... A week after Mark's daughter was born, they had another night of passion." Neva told The Irish Sun: "We had sex five times that night. That's when I started to feel guilty... The lie has gone on for too long. I can't do this to Mark's family anymore." Noble.

Why did Mark have the affair in the first place? "When I met Neva in September it was because I was having a rough time with Emma. I wasn't feeling very good about myself or the future, and I went down my phonebook, found her number and we met up... In my head there was never a time when I was doubting getting married. It was a chance for me to put it all behind me and not make the mistakes I had in the past." Me, me, me. I, I, I - what about basically ensnaring someone into marriage 'cause you were too much of a chicken skitter to own up before the wedding?!

It gets better. As usual, the mistress is a tick. A limpet that, after draining a man in one department, then moves on to his finances: "She phoned me the week before I got married. She said she had lost her job and was going to lose her flat - and asked if I could help her out. I have known her for years so I said, 'of course.' I all I paid her about £12k, the last one just last week. When I have been in a bad way, I when I have needed a bit of support, she has been there for me...All the other girls were one night stands, on tour. When I was away from home on wild nights out, which was every night. I'm not in contact with any of them. It wasn't the girls' fault. It was mine. I would be up for it and looking for it. I wasn't thinking straight. The next day I would think, Oh f***. It was regret, a disappointment in myself. I had been drinking. I wouldn't have the nerve to talk to a girl when I'm not drunk... I wasn't paying Neva with the intention of keeping her quiet (NAAAAAH). I'd have no money left if I was paying them all off (comforting to Emma, I'm sure). None of the boys knew about her. I told them about her yesterday. She was at the gigs but they never met her." And to that I say BALLAX. They just don't want to get any flack off their missususussss.

As for not cheating on Emma since they married last year: "I'm proud of that. I know that sounds really stupid but on our wedding day, for me the ring is really important and I want to be true to my word." Commendable, but probably not a story you'd want to share with your son and daughter when they're older. They might get jealous of the all-important ring.

As for the rest of the article, it's just Mark saying he's an idiot when he drinks, and has copped on since he'd stopped drinking, but he's an idiot anyway etc, etc. He also says: "It's going to do good in the long run. It's for the best, this. In situations like this, people surprise you. Friendships and the words people send. I feel supported - an idiot like me."

And he's right. Ring fiddler Gordon Smart has added his own little column confirming Mark as an idiot, only when he drinks, mind: "I have spent some time with Mark and Emma over the years... they were incredibly kind, friendly and welcoming, the perfect family unit, deeply in love. But when Mark gets a drink on board he clearly becomes a very different fellah. It's not an excuse (really?), but this is a man with an addiction that destroys his judgement."

In which case, Mark must have been haaaaaammered for five years straight. That aside, is anyone else getting sick and tired of women being portrayed as long suffering devotees to muppets who perennially "can't think straight?" The simple fact of the matter is, females can be just as duplicitous as their male counterparts, they're just better at keeping secrets.