Jordan Fears the Wrath of Reid

You can all rest easy. Katie Price has boarded a plane bound for this side of the hemisphere after being released from her I'm a Celebrity contract. But is she coming home to a maelstrom of skitter due to her dumping of Alex? Yep, no one could care less, but her "spokesperson's" quotes are typically ridiculous and therefore worth a cursory mention (that and there's bugger all else doing the rounds today as all the American sites have shut up shop for Thanks Giving).

According to The Sun: "The glamour model fears the cage fighter will use her 'most intimate photos ever' to get revenge after she dumped him on UK TV after leaving reality show I'm A Celebrity... A source said: 'If sleazy photos of Katie came out it would destroy everything she's trying to do (?). She has just come out of the jungle aiming to reinvent herself as a serious businesswoman and model parent'."

HAH! Ok, ok, ok. Model parents tend not to leave their kids for the best part of a month to portray themselves as serious business people by way of gagging on animal nethers, diving into a vat of maggots, and rubbing themselves down under a waterfall. Secondly, I've seen every bit of Katie Price's anatomy at this stage, so the only thing more "intimate" would be endoscopy footage of her colon. It will happen.

Katie probably thought she was being a well smart business woman by taking equally graphic photos of Alex as a form of "insurance". Thing is though, someone who willfully rams his testicles into one of your gold lame swatches of material to be photographed at your book launch probably won't give two hoots if you release explicit pics of them: "Katie took these pictures of Alex for a reason and thinks they are her insurance policy. But he really doesn't care. He's got a lot of dirt on her and she must be terrified about it coming out and showing what she's really like." Soooo, don't dump him on live telly, then.

And who on the planet doesn't know what Jordan is really like, anyway? It's been forcibly thrust into our faces on a daily basis for the last 5 years, or so...Unless she's worried that the public will find out she is, in fact - despite all her monotone proclamations to the contrary - akin to a damp limpet in the bedroom department. Need we make reference to the "leaked" sex tape of her and Dane Bowers again? That takes the visual of a hefty hound humping a sack of skin and hair to Another Level.