It's sh*t like Big Brother that really drums home mortality, you know? Ten BLOODY years that yoke's been on our screens. Where did all that precious, precious time go?!

Anyway, for those interested (no doubt some of you secretly are *nudges*), here are some pictures of the interior of this year's house. You might notice it's a wee bit on the spartan side - that's because, from tonight, the 16 (yip, SIXTEEN) misguided unfortunates will only have the floor and the odd stray crate for comfort. Why? Because Big Brother producers like torturing the muppets who make money for them for 13 weeks (thiiiiirrrteeeen whhoooole weeeeeeeeeks) of the summer.

Show boss Sharon Powers told The Sun: "'This year we want to shock the housemates. They'll be expecting a nice house with lots of nice furniture and a pool and all sorts of lovely stuff. But all they'll have is a living room full of crates and oil drums and they'll have to sleep on the floor. And if they want to wash they will have to use a bath outside and fill it up with cold water transported from the tap in a leaky bucket.' Anyone who does not make the grade will be sent packing without even an exit interview from show host Davina McCall'."

As for the contestant's demographic, they're "all aged 18 to 40 - are single and 'extremely attractive'. Several are gay or bisexual." For a change. Sharon also says: "We've got a new rule this year - Big Brother is not putting up with any false romances. We will test whether any romance is real (probably by forcing them to have sex under a table). If it's fake, we will punish the housemates." Hey, why not just line them up, shoot them, and be done with it. Please?

If you wish to condemn yourself to 13 weeks of sh*te, tune into Channel 4 tonight from 9.00pm. Given I'm still traumatised by having to cover it (every night) two years ago; I'll be giving it a wide berth. I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here USA on the other hand...