The MTV Not-Very-European-At-All-Apart-From-The-Location Awards band marched their way through Madrid last night. As has become customary, the affair was dominated by Americans, although they did allow the odd European to put in an appearance... Here's a list of the winners.

Best New Act: Ke$ha (American)
Best Pop: Lady GaGa (American)
Best Alternative: Paramore (American)
MTV EMA Global Icon: Bon Jovi (American)
Best Rock: Thirty Seconds To Mars (American)
Best Male: Justin Bieber (Canadian)
Best Video: Katy Perry - California Gurls (American)
Best Hip-Hop: Eminem (American)
Free Your Mind: Shakira (South American)
Best Live: Linkin Park (American)
Best Song: Lady GaGa - Bad Romance (American)
Best Female: Lady GaGa (American)
Best European Act: Marco Mengoni (well, they kind've had to be European)
Best Push Artist: Justin Bieber (might as well be American)
World Stage: Tokio Hotel (German)

Yep, Paramore are more 'Alternative' than Gorillaz... Jared Leto larking about in a tight white suit is more 'rawk' than Muse. Fret not, fellahs, an awards ceremony that deems the Bieber a better male than act with actual body hair (including Kanye, Eminem, Usher and Enrique) is nothing but a load of naked balls.

Those performing on the night included Katy Perry (American. Doesn't Russell look enthralled?), Bon Jovi (American), Miley Cyrus's gusset (super American), Rihanna (Barbadian); Shakira (South American); Kid Rock (American); 30 Seconds to Mars (American. I think they invited Kanye to join them onstage); Kings of Leon (American); and Kei$ha (American)... although there are no photos of her performing. I'm just assuming she did given the get up.

 Eva Longoria was the obvious choice to host - you know, given she's morphing into the American version of Victoria Beckham.

Slash (also American), was among the guests attending, sporting a t-shirt I'll pretend was aimed towards the head organiser of this pointless charade.

OK, I am of course exaggerating a wee bit. They also had Laura (the shoes don't work) Whitmore, Dizzee Rascal, Plan B, and Kelly Brook knocking around. None of which want to be American at all...