Yeah. Real shock. I didn't even have the barest of inklings from the very beginning. It's not as if Steve was the only articulate individual, with more than an ounce of cop on, who wasn't in a constant state of aggravated arousal.
True, he was at a clear advantage as - despite Stephen being given first choice of ex-teammates - he had Geraldine, Lucinda, Maria and Brendan on his team. Meanwhile Stephen, inexplicably, chose demented Disney features first, THEN Sam. Then BREFFNY. Then Blinky McGinty over Maria? With that line up, Stephen's subconscious seriously just wanted to get back to bench pressing brides to be.
As for what the last task entailed, best watch the episode on the TV3 website, or the repeat on Sunday afternoon. Yes, I'm too busy with Christmas TV schedules to regurgitate the ins and outs of it here, but there's another reason I'm pointing you in that direction - you'll get to see Michelle Heaton snot herself spectacularly. It's around the half way mark. Speaking of which, what are the bets she left a go-faster Saint Tropez stripe down the side of the car?
Other joys you'll get to watch include Setanta attempting to high five Sam over getting a deal on some ice sculptors; Sam cornering guests in the Wright Venue squawking "HOT MAGENTA!" at them; the owner of the Wright Venue, who looks like Swords' answer to Stringfellow, saying "THE WRIGHT VENUE, THE WRIGHT VENUE, THE WRIGHT VENUE" for a good five minutes; Joanne from Ford's impeccable diction; Geraldine sporting an array of mind-boggling outfits; Aoiffe in a prime motorboating position with Pippa O'Connor; Breffny being hilariously inadequate; Geraldine sprouting some Spanish; and Geraldine laughing maniacally at Steve's bumbling jokes during his haphazard presentation. He did, after all, have to hold it together after Michelle Heaton snotted against the side of the car he was unveiling. Did we mention that already?
Steve's joy at winning his €100k contract was something to behold. At the end of the programme, brimming with glee, he managed: "What better start can a new family get?!" What better start than having to leave the West coast of Cork for inner city Dublin, so daddy can work all the hours God sends? F*** knows.
