Spice Girls (and Victoria Beckham) attend 'prize Christmas turkey' Viva Forever premiere.

You may (or may not be) wondering where Victoria Beckham is. Well, she was apparently "stuck in traffic." An obvious blessing; someone of her newly acquired fashion credentials couldn't be snapped alongside an oil slick, an ode to Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea, a cowpat, and Glinda the Good Witch of the North.

When she did manage to turn up, tailored to f***, she sat with her David and their three sons. Just as well little Harper was left at home, considering Mel B's "review" once the five ladies took to the stage at London's Picadilly Theatre. It comprised of "That was f***ing great!"

Then all the "thank yous" started, with Geri taking command of the mic, and looking rather perturbed when Victoria thanked Judy Cramer before she got to. Still, at least Geri got to say the following to the writer of Viva Forever, Jennifer Saunders: "You must be so proud."

I dunno, she's probably not feeling too thrilled with herself after reading today's review in the Daily Mail, which goes a little something like: "Producer Judy Mamma Mia Craymer's mistake was to hire comedian Jennifer Saunders to write the story. Miss Saunders is a wiseacre ironist, so default-sneery that she will not stoop to admitting the heart (sentimentalism if you must) which can make a musical sing. Add to that some iffy performances, gloomy backdrops and a lamentably slow start, and you have the makings of a notable West End flop. It’s almost as if the thing has a death wish... Given that thousands of people have reportedly already bought tickets, I feel a cur for being so down on this show. Perhaps they should just relish it for what it is: a prize Christmas turkey."

Yikes. For the rest of the not-so-glowing reviews, do go to our Theatre Section...

While the other four jumped into a cab to attend the after party, Victoria headed off home with her brood in a waiting car.

I know which vehicle I'd prefer to be in.