Indeed, this has little to do with Celebrity Gossip. We could possibly thank the loikes of Coldin Farddle for helping many an Irish bloke lure a foreign lady into their lair... but the moves beyond that point are worthy of fifth place on a random list of lovers, it would seem.
Where is this fact being pulled from? Today's Herald AM, which I've taken to burying my head into of a morning now that I've to get the 'Dort' to work. Old school mates, neighbours, distant and not so distant relatives... all on the Dart. I'd forgotten what a minefield of interaction it can be in the morning. At that hour, using freesheets as shields is commonplace.
Anyway, this wee article sparked such an eruption of cackling in the carriage that, hopefully, it'll instil the same giggle fest in you, dear reader. Here is your guide to the best worldwide rides, thanks to 15,000 globetrotting, and no doubt free-spirited, females:
5: Irish (GOWANYAGOODTINGS)
6: South African
8: New Zealanders
There are no reasons given as to why the Spanish, Brazilians, Italians and French are in the top four, bar the fact they're (generally) bleedin' beuriful. That's half the battle. As for us Irish, the general rule is to create a fine balance between being wildly hilarious (the best humour being tinged with cheekiness / morosity / unprecedented darkness), and self-deprecating, while still making the person feel inexplicably privileged to be in our presence (usually thanks to our innate storytelling ability, which is heightened by our knack of plying people with booze).
We have, however, been provided with explanations as to why males from the following countries just aren't up to scratch in the scratcher. Here's where the fun starts:
1: Germans - "Too smelly."
2: English - "Too lazy." It would seem it's not just the ladies who lie back and think of England.
3: Swedish - "Too quick."
4: Dutch - "Too dominating."
5: Americans - "Too rough."
6: Greeks - "Too lovey-dovey."
7: Welsh - "Too selfish."
8: Scottish - "Too loud"... (OCH AYE THE NOOO?)
9: Turkish - "Too sweaty."
10: Russians - "Too hairy."