BREAKING NEWS: Linsday Lohan Sentenced

UPDATED: I'm not even being ironic; all other outlets are calling this BREAKING NEWS so we must follow suit.

Lindsay Lohan turned up at court with just minutes to spare for a hearing that will determine whether she will be jailed for violating her probation. The 25-year-old actress, who was wearing a navy polka-dot dress ('cause that's important), stepped out of a blacked-out Cadillac Escalade SUV to the usual barrage of flashbulbs.

To clarify, she was appearing in front of Judge Stephanie Sautner in a Los Angeles court today where she admitted to violating the terms of her probation. Judge Sautner agreed and sentenced her to 30 days in jail. In actual jail. Lindsay will be ordered to report to jail on November 9th to start her term and will not be allowed to spend any of her time on house arrest. Actual jail.

When she is released (probably after a week due to "overcrowding") she will be on a very strict regime to complete her probation as set out by Judge Sautner. The Judge said she was “putting the keys to the jail” in Lindsay’s hands and told the actress that with 300 days of jail time on the table for her crimes, she could either complete that time or do her sentence and probation as set out by the judge.

Lindsay agreed to the Judge’s suggestion and will be spending a lot of hours undertaking her court-ordered duties. By December 14th, Lindsay must complete 12 days at the Los Angeles county morgue and do four psychotherapy sessions at 45 minutes each. By January 17th, she must complete another 12 days at the morgue, which are eight hours a day, and attend four psychotherapy sessions. By mid February she has to perform 12 days of community service and four psychotherapy sessions. And by March 29 she has to have racked up 17 days morgue duty and six psychotherapy sessions.

If Lindsay adheres to everything as set out by the court today then her legal worries will be behind her. However, if she messes up on one thing then she will then have to serve out the remaining 270 days behind bars. In actual jail. Judge Sautner said that Lindsay needed a rigid structure but that she was now in control of her freedom.
Although the Downtown Women’s Center, where Lindsay had cancelled scheduled appointments (she didn't find them fulfilling) leaving her to be in violation of her probation, agreed to have her back, the judge said she did not want to put them through that again. Class.

Another women’s centre approached said they did not want Lindsay as they thought she set a bad example for the women trying to get their lives back on track. Hilarious.

A-HAH. As suspected: "The Mean Girls star may spend just six days in jail serving 20% of the 30 days, TMZ is reporting because of jail overcrowding...." What's the f***ing point??? Needless to say, Lindsay was heard saying, “Thank God,” under her breath at the end of the session.

The actress was also told to stop tweeting about her experience at the Los Angeles County Morgue where she has been scrubbing floors, cleaning toilets and clearing up after autopsies have been performed. The judge acknowledged that if Lindsay completed her sessions early then her legal woes could be over even before her March deadline.

But she'll flout it as per usual, 'cause it's the attention is what she's proper addicted to. And she'll be getting lots of that in the clink once her well-timed Playboy spread is published.

UPDATE: Nargh, for f***'s sake. She has more bit flashing to do so she's been given a week's reprieve. 'Cause that's what L.A. calls justice.

Story by | 18:37 | Wednesday 2nd November 2011 | Gossip

Comments

Kang

Has breaking the law become a celeb past time now? (no real work coming in so i'll do a bit of time to get in the news). Freckles needs one serious kick up the a** and a few days in jail wont stop her.

Posted 09:12 | Thu 3rd Nov 2011
Other Ciara

The fact that they still refer to her as the "Mean Girls star" is sad. She has done absolutely feck all else since 2004 though.

Posted 15:18 | Thu 3rd Nov 2011

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