So, were last night's awards worth tuning in for tomorrow night on RTE2? Lord, the sentence was tense tastic, and probably incorrect, but my brain's not exactly functioning at even a quarter of its capacity today. Although it's probably not feeling quite as incapacitated as Patrick Bergin's...
In short, yes, they are. Firstly, Florence was amazing, as was Paulo Nutini, The Temper Trap, in fact most of the acts were. Westlife even tried something new... they freestyled 'Whuut Abaaaht Naaah'. Yep, no stools *jazz hands* They also went with a spectacular video wall backdrop of glaciers, one expected Morgan Freeman to narrate a verse while the four boys huddled together for heat.
The main reason, however, to tune in tomorrow night is to see the tragic state of Patrick Bergin, which came as a surprise. There were presenting couplings of Una off The Saturdays and Martin the weather King... Yer one off The Clinic and yer wan with the bewbs who used to do Podge 'n Rodge's Sticket Inn... Patrick Keilty onstage with Amanda Byram... there was AMPLE opportunity for buttock spasming happenings, and yet it was down to one of our 'finest actors' to turn our version of The Grammys into a momentary farce.
Bergin, who was there to present the Humanitarian Award to the wonderful Niall Mellon, rolled up onstage looking like a visually impaired hobo. He then proceeded to give the audience a geography lesson, randomly shouting "Buncranna! Clonakilty! Ballincollig!" He might have gone on to inform us of the mountain ranges and ox-bow lakes on offer in each county, but the floor manager appeared to have made the executive decision to cut his mic. Sadly, you'll most likely be spared his twaddlings in tomorrow night's edited version - instead you'll see him slur sentiments before announcing "And the award for the humanitarian award gooesh tooooh... NIALL MEEELLON." From that, to Desmond Tutu. What a rollercoaster.
What else will tomorrow night's footage bring? Adam Clayton having a gloriously geeky Simpsons ('Guys, would you like to see my spoon collection?') moment when meticulously reading out his spiel before handing Lord Henry Mount Charlesthe Industry Award... Colin Farrell and Paulo Nutini looking incredible attractive together onstage... the visual spectacle of not one, but TWO stages - one at either end of Simmons Court. One was for presenting, the other for performances... Amanda Byram talking to a load of teenagers' backs while they squealed at whoever was gracing the opposite stage to perform... Byram's back-breakingly cringeful one liners (I'd have serious words with the scriptwriters, Amanda)...
Things you won't see tomorrow night are the celebs celebrating/drowning their sorrows in the salubrious confines of The Four Seasons - which is where I ended up... until 4 in the morning. We had Glenda Gilson strutting around the corridors like an Amazonian warrior... Colin Devlin on his phone outside the jacks saying "I didn't get it, but it was close, very close"... Mundy and The Devlins pulling their bar tables together at approximately 3am... Pixie Lott saying in The Ice Bar "No, I'm not going to the afterparty, it's too far away" (in fairness, it was in the Wright Venue. In Swords. That's a fair whack away from Ballsbridge. Which begs the question - did anyone make the trek?)... Rumblings of Colin Farrell going into the toilets, leading to an en masse toilet trip for several females, and just as many males... Rumours of Florence Welch being in the front bar, but I couldn't find her. Some drunkard probably saw the back of my head and thought she decided to hobble through the foyer on her knees after one too many whiskies... The Script bounding out of their swish car... Patrick Bergin being brought in to the foyer bar, flanked by two female fans... that is when we decided it was time to slope home.
And on to the winners.
Best Radio DJ - National
Ray Foley - Today FM
Best Radio DJ - Regional
Leigh Doyle - Beat FM. Who failed to turn up to collect his award. KC and Lenny were robbed. For the last time.
Best Irish Band
Best Irish Pop Act
Westlife (just for the tenth year in a row)
Best Irish Album
Tony Was An Ex-Con - The Coronas
Best Irish Female
Best Irish Male
Best Irish Live Performance
The Script at Oxegen
Most Promising New Act 2010
Best International Album
Sunny Side Up - Paolo Nutini
Best International Band
Florence & The Machine
Best Intl Live Performance
Best International Female
Best International Male
Lifetime Achievement Award
Henry Mount Charles
For the litter of Tweets, up until a point, go to twitter.com/entertainmentIE. Here is a selection of what you can expect:
*Jack L just rubbed his balls up against me fellah in the stairwell... Pic of the awards lined up backstage http://twitpic.com/1460rw
*Byram just said handjob during her opening patter. No ones listening to her cause Florence just came onstage
*Patrick Bergin to present Humanitarian Award. He looks like a mad blind man who has a penchant for naming counties *hics*... Fubared.
*Byram: 'Forget American Idol, she's my diddleidle'... She must read everything on the autocue. Westlife sing 'Whut Abaaht Naaaah' *shudders*
*Shane and Mark are the driving force, while the other pair are the wing mirrors.
Please excuse the odd spelling mistake... the iPhone has a mind of its own when it comes to spelling certain things, like you type in Kian and it instead gives you 'Juan'. That and I, again, really miss BUTTONS.
As for the photos, there's only 264 of them in Caught Out. Enjoy.