Picture the scene. It's a beautiful summer day; the perfect weather to take a trip to your local beach. The sun is shining, the sea is sparkling, and the sand is golden and soft beneath your toes. Oh, alright then, it is Ireland, let's not push the boundaries of imagination too far; it's cloudy but 'fair' with danger of showers, the sea is oft polluted but it's full of people regardless, and the sand is stony and intermittently littered with rubbish. Still, you're drifting into a calm reverie, about to doze off, when you're suddenly awoken by this noise. 'Duf-duf-duf-duf-duf-duf-weeoooaarrrr-duf-duf-duf'. A quick look around and you notice a carload of shirtless pale boys in trackie bottoms. What are they playing? Paul Oakenfold's latest. Why? Because he's 'rapih'. The point is, readers, that 'A Lively Mind', the latest album from the world's foremost 'Superstar DJ', is, well.. just not very good. Though it features collaborations from the hip-hop cognoscenti - Grandmaster Flash on the awful 'Set It Off', Pharrell Williams on the repetitive trance-laced 'Sex 'N' Money' - A Lively Mind is nothing but sad rehashes of formulaic dance hits of yesteryear ('Not Over' and Robert Miles's 'Children', anyone? Deep Dish's 'Flashdance' and 'Faster Kill Faster', hmm?).Hell, he even manages to rip himself off on the 'Die Another Day'-esque 'Praise The Lord' (admittedly, probably the best thing on the album).The presence of a Hollywood starlet (Brittany Murphy) produces a trite, inane and utterly bog-standard dance track ('Faster Kill Faster'); oh, and Paul? Ripping off classic rock riffs (T-Rex's '20th Century Boy' on 'Switch On') and dressing them up with a lazy drum machine beat does not a crossover hit make. An album that's formulaic and devoid of both atmosphere and a modicum of originality, A Lively Mind is, in other words, the perfect album for those aforementioned beach bums. In the meantime, Oakenfold should stick to spinning the records instead of murdering them. Oh, and he should get his hair cut while he's at it.
