Shark Night 3D

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I really got in the mood for Shark Night. I didn't go snorkelling off of the Great Barrier Reef or binge on Jaws sequels, but rather bought a giant bucket of popcorn and plonked myself down as a regular paying punter. It wasn't press screened, but no bother, it's the type of movie best seen with an audience anyway, right? Well the audience looked as bored as me, and the sharks were distinctly unimpressive.

A group of college students/cast-off's from American's Next Top Model, head along to an island in Hicksville to celebrate... Eh, just to get drunk. The first gas station they pull in to see's them meet a pervert, a racist and a former lover/possible killer. They manage to get to the island without a scuffle, but the promising athlete of the group has his arm chomped off by a shark, who apparently doesn't take too kindly to showboating water-skiers. It also doesn't chew said arm - this thing comes across more like an angry vegetarian than a maneater.

When a film is marketed as "from the director of The Final Destination" and "Snakes on a Plane" and called Shark Night, it's pretty clear what you're going to get - only it doesn't deliverone iota. You'll sit down, popcorn in hand, ready to watch some beautiful young people become lunch for a (hopefully mutated) shark and be sorely disappointed. Look at Deep Blue Sea; hardly a classic, but a fun 'B-Movie' nonetheless, they made the sharks bigger, smarter and meaner - then fed 'em scientists. It was a blast, mainly because the kills came out of nowhere... and some scientists just need eating.

In fairness to Ellis, as bad as Shark Night is, he gets the most organic work out of this cast than any other. By that I mean some of them don't seem like they're reading their lines from a Ipad being held off camera by a PA. Well, Sara Paxton just looks constipated in the latter scenes, but Dustin Mulligan gives a decent performance and Avatar star Joel David Moore does a damn fine Dane Cook impression.

Doesn't deliver what the title promises. And no amount reshooting scenes with Samuel L Jackson calling the shark a "mother****er" will fix that. Well, maybe it would a little.