Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son

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Tackling socially delicate issues such as gender confusion, underage lust and non-biological parenting, this surprisingly smart and perceptive (yet hilarious) comedy will have audiences rolling around the aisles. Martin Lawrence is one of the most gifted comedic minds working in mainstream cinema, and he couldn't have a more apt role to showcase his formidably acerbic talents once more. I am, of course, joking. While sitting through this embarrassing piece of sh*t, I almost contemplated drowning myself in the toilets of the Savoy by repeatedly flushing my head under the bowl until the pain went away. And Martin Lawrence is about as funny as a delinquent happy-slapping a pensioner.

Lawrence returns to his one big role that doesn't involve trading quips with Will Smith. This time, his FBI Agent must go undercover as Big Momma in a girl's school for the arts - with his step-son dragged along, after he witnesses a murder. This, naturally, results in lots of misunderstandings and situations where people who are apparently able to function in normal society, can't tell the (blatant) difference between men and women. That particular concern is merely a puddle in an ocean of plot-holes and unfunny absurdity.

I could list all of the things that are wrong with Big Momma's House 3, but frankly, neither you nor I have the time. The fact that something this awful has been churned out by Hollywood with a straight face is an insult to the intelligence of cinema-goers everywhere. It is a soulless, unfunny, cringeworthy film that has been assembled with the sole purpose of stealing your hard-earned cash without giving you as much as a chuckle in return.

You may ask: 'What did you expect?' and say things like "this film isn't made for critics - it's a movie that families can enjoy together." Firstly, I didn't expect a lot - but lowered expectations often result in surprisingly positive reviews. Secondly, if this "comedy" gives anyone with opposable thumbs a genuine belly laugh, then I'll watch all of the Scary/Date/Epic Movies back-to-back as penance. It was a bad idea at the beginning, but three films into a premise that was flimsy to start with it's absolutely ridiculous.

Makes Mrs. Doubtfire look like No Country For Old Men. Appalling.