10,000 B.C.

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D'Leh (Strait) is a young man who was forced to grow up without any family after his father bolted from their village amidst a huge famine. Years later he has developed into a sturdy hunter, even picking off a hairy mammoth all on his lonesome. His reward is the much-coveted 'white spear', and the pick of any woman in the village - which is the beautiful and mysterious Evolet (Belle). But it all goes pear-shaped when a bunch of wrong-sorts suddenly turn up and start your general hacking, killing and kidnapping - with his beloved Evolet taken away on horseback. Vowing to save his people and his new bird, he sets along to track the kidnappers and find his true love. You used to know exactly what you were getting with a Roland Emmerich joint. As the director of Independence Day and Stargate, he regularly churned out the explosive visuals with minimal context - but 10,000 BC does not come close those films and it's all the worse for it. Anyone who has seen and enjoyed Mel Gibson's Apocalypto will have an unrelenting feeling of deja-vu throughout the running time - but while Gibson's edgy-epic excelled in the naturalistic performances, showing a genuine flair for the material, Emmerich barely delivers on the fundamentals. The relative newcomers Strait and Belle do their best, but are constantly hampered by awful dialogue and flimsy characterisation - only succeeding in looking uncomfortable and out of their depth. Expressing emotions through longing looks and grunting is fine if said emotions can be conveyed appropriately; but it just comes off as forced when the few intimate moments lack subtlety. There are some stunning shots of the gorgeous landscape, with particular pleasure to be had with a lot of the visuals in the last twenty minutes or so; but there is precious little action to speak of. While it may find an audience on the director's reputation, or the ostensible similarities to 300, this film's perceived core audience will likely come away feeling disappointed. 10,000 BC is far too languid to work as a blockbuster, while a mishandling from its director renders it worthless as an epic.